Because of You
by mskairijade
Summary: hermione recalls the past, including the times with draco..the good and the bad...


**Because of You…**

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard_

_I learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

Hermione Granger stared out the window of her new apartment just down the way from Diagon Alley in London. She had graduated at the top of her class at Hogwarts only a year ago and gone straight into work in the Ministry's Department of Mysteries. She was fast climbing the ladder of success on her way to becoming one of the youngest and most talented Unspeakables the Ministry had ever seen. But yet, it seemed, something was missing from her life. As she stared out the window at the dreary rain that pounded against her window, she let her thoughts travel back to her seventh year….and him.

_Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

They had always been the worst of enemies until by some miracle they were made Head Boy and Head Girl. At first it was awkward and hard but over time, Hermione and Draco grew to understand each other and eventually that understanding turned into something more. It was the first time that Hermione had ever opened up her heart to anyone besides her family. She gave everything to Draco, and he did the same.

The war was in full swing, the final battle looming in the ever closing darkness. They were supposed to be on opposite sides of the war, but something changed in Draco that last year with Hermione. He clung to her like a lifeline. She pulled him back from the depths of the darkness that he had spent his entire life succumbing to. But a love like theirs just wasn't meant to last.

_I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life_

_My heart cant possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with_

The final battle came and Hogwarts was torn apart from the ground up. Houses were fighting against each other and the Slytherin's wreaked havoc on everyone. Draco fought as well as Hermione and the others but everyone was shocked to find that he was on the side of Light instead of among Voldemort's followers like everyone had believed. It came down to the final battle, between Harry and Voldemort and as always, Hermione and Ron were right there beside him. Hermione and Ron were keeping the other Death Eaters around them at bay to give Harry a chance to complete his destiny without worrying about one of them striking him from behind.

That's when Draco saw it. His father was sneaking closer and closer to where Hermione was warding off the other Death Eaters that were trying to interfere. Draco could tell that Hermione could not see his father. He started to move his way through the fighting to where Hermione was when he saw his father raise his wand in her direction. Draco suddenly jumped through the remaining men standing between him and Hermione, his wand out and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" in the direction of his father.

_Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

Draco saved Hermione's life that day but to everyone around them, it appeared like Draco had just ended his own. His deed had driven a hole straight through his soul. As much as he'd always begged for his father's love, his pride, deep down Draco had always despised that man. But nothing could change the fact that Draco had murdered his own father, no matter how awful or evil that man was. And Draco could not handle it. Slowly, bit by bit, Hermione watched as Draco faded further and further away from her, spending hours upon hours in his room. She listened to his loud cries at night, in the darkness but he never allowed her to help him. Unbeknownst to Draco, his pain was driving Hermione away. He was tearing her heart out every time he pushed her away, saying that he didn't need her pity and that she could never understand.

_I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep_

_I was so young you should have known better than to lean on me_

_You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain_

_And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing_

Hermione felt a lone tear slide down her cheek as she remembered her Draco. It had been a full year since she had graduated and a full year since she had heard or seen anything from him. What hurt the most was that, despite everything that he had done and put her through, she still loved him and her heart ached for him every day. She hadn't been on a single date or gone out after work once since she'd graduated. It was as if part of her still belonged to him and it was because of him that she couldn't move on, couldn't allow herself to put her heart out on the line again.

_Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the sidewalk _

_Because of you _

_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I try my hardest just to forget everything_

_Because of you_

_I don't know how to let anyone else in_

_Because of you_

_I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

Men had tried repeatedly to get through to her, to get her to let them into her world. But she refused each and every one. She hated that her life was so empty now, when it should've been full and happy. No matter how hard she tried every day to let go of the past, to let go of Draco Malfoy, she couldn't seem to get his face out of her mind. He ruined her life and he never even knew.

She glanced out the window once more, at the rain that poured down like her tears. Draco's face flashed before her mind's eyes again and she hastily wiped away the tears the fell from her eyes. She turned away from the window and her eyes came to a rest on the one picture she had in her room. It was a small picture, taken just before the final battles, at the Christmas Ball. The first time that Draco and Hermione had kissed. The happiest night of her life. Picking up the picture she wiped another strand of loose tears from her eyes and placed the picture in her desk drawer, closing it and turning away. As she made her way towards the door, she stopped momentarily and closed her eyes. Just before closing the door and heading to work she whispered four little words that she hadn't said in a very long time.

"I hate you, Draco."

_Because of you…_


End file.
